i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
