More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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