I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
