you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
