Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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