Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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