i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
