i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
