yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
