All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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