God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have fence marks all over my body
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
