So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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