she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
