Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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