he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
