false alarm. still invincible.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
