After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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