They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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