i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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