Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
