I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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