youre lurking in front of me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
