There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
