she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
