You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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