i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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