Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
