Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
