I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
