Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
