we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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