i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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