I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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