I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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