...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
