Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
