just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
