This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
