I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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