I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
