I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
