hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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