I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
