Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
