No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
