Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
