So gin and wine won't be happening again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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