clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
