no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
