Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
