I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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