The maid of honor just puked.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
