I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
