mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
