the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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