I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
