Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You left your phone here
Wait...
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