woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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