My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
