You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
