mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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